New Plan

I was pretty upset Tuesday, if you couldn't tell. When I decided to go back to school, my original plan was to graduate just before Willow, my youngest, started kindergarten. That specifically meant graduating in the spring of 2012. I wasn't sure how many classes would be required of me to get to that point. I didn't even know how the nursing program worked at all. I just went to the orientation for information. I talked to everyone willing to talk and discovered that I could theoretically start the program after one year of pre-requisites. I got pretty excited and filled out an application that day.

I knew in the back of my head that I would most likely not push it to get in that early. Willow had just turned one and the program is full time and intense. I had 4 non-program classes I needed to take. I knew I could stretch the classes out and pace myself to graduate at the right time. But once I got going I really wanted to speed this up and get a job as soon as possible. I made a compromise goal of waiting one and half years and graduating a semester earlier. I settled into that plan even though I always wondered how I was going to make it work.

If you read the last blog post, you know that Luke's full day kindergarten fell through and plans have changed. There is no healthy way of starting the nursing program full time while Luke is in half-day kindergarten. I have to wait that extra semester and will start the program in the fall of 2010. I will take my chemistry class this fall and my microbiology class next spring. This was the way it was supposed to be in the beginning so I'm trying to not be upset about it. The thing is, it's not just the nursing thing that's frustrating, it's also the half-day thing. When Abby was in half-day kindergarten, the sign-ups were at 9am. I went there at 9am and they said the morning classes filled up before 8am. I was mad at the system but I dealt with it because I knew I was flexible as a stay-at-home mom and it meant I could sleep in. But as the weeks went by, I found I was absolutely miserable with the schedule. I couldn't leave the house and that wore on me. If Luke is going to be in half-day this fall, I am getting to the school at 7am to get him in the morning class. That way he can ride the bus with Abby and I can pick him up at noon and be free to do stuff after that. It's my only hope.

Being a mom comes first and always has. There are days that I'm cool with that and days where I think I will go crazy if I spend one more day here. I get frustrated at the sacrifices that I have had to make the last 8 years but I know I wouldn't have done anything differently. (Well, I would have gotten my nursing degree the first time around, but I'm talking since becoming a mom.) I feel bad that I let myself be so sad about this small change, but for some reason I just felt the weight of all 8 years on me and I started to spiral down.

I knew I needed to get refocused quickly. I still have an anatomy class I need to ace and I didn't want to make my family miserable for the next year and a half. You may think I'm crazy but suddenly I wanted something and thinking about it made me happy. I found a picture of it and sent it to Jason...a few dozen times. Each time I did I felt better and better and was able to study on my lab practical. Later Jason told me to get over it and I started to sink again. It turns out he wanted to surprise me with it.

I have my lab practical tomorrow. It's worth 100 points and is all fill in the blank and labeling. These are tougher than the lecture exams usually, but I think I'm ready now. I'll post my results and a picture of my surprise this weekend.