Mom

We were already bored after only a year and half of marriage. We decided now was the time to shake things up a bit before we were anchored grown ups. After I left ECS, Jason got a job in St. Louis and I was eager to go and start over. We left around the beginning of August 2000. On my birthday, Friday, August 25th, Jason took me to my first ever Starbuck's after a huge Italian dinner. After I finished my giant cappuccino, I felt terrible. We went back to our apartment where I laid in bed moaning with agony. I thought I had food poisoning. The next morning I woke up with nausea and all I wanted to eat was fast food sandwiches. The same thing happened the next day. On Monday morning I had an idea of what this could possibly be. I took a pregnancy test and called Jason at work. He came home and we both panicked together.

I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant with Abigail. This was great news but terrible timing. We were slowly running out of money as I was unemployed. I tried to get a substitute teaching job but every morning I was sick and getting sicker. There was a terrible smell in the apartment. At first only I could smell it and 100% of the times I smelled it, I threw up. Eventually everyone could smell it. The apartment manager put some chemicals in our furnace but it didn't help. Everything we owned smelled. I just sat in the bedroom by a fan in the open window day after day. It was a prison. Jason, too was miserable. The company that hired him had nothing for him to do. We decided it was time to end this misery and come back home where things were safer. That was the end of our two month St. Louis experiment.

It also ended my teaching career. And for that I was grateful. When a woman has a degree there is a lot of pressure to have a career, or at least a job. I was asked on numerous occasions while pregnant if I had a job or was planning on getting one. What would be the point of getting job I was going to quit in a few months? My plan was to stay home and raise this kid. This was over seven years ago and I don't regret any of it. Abigail was born May 8, 2001. I am so glad I stayed with her. I had the best time of my life with Abby when she was a baby. She is an amazing girl.


He didn't change my title any, but I have to mention Luke. When Abby was almost two, I really wanted another baby. We both wanted a boy so badly. And I thank God he was. Luke was born December 5, 2003. He has been so much fun and I can't imagine not having experienced life with a daughter and a son. They are so different. It really spices up parenthood.

When Luke was around 3, I realized there was a longing in me to start a career. As much as I loved raising these two, I really wanted to get out of the house and do something that challenged my brain and body, something that I would be really good at, something that would make me feel like I was contributing in some way to society. I realize it sounds like I'm belittling staying at home to raise kids. That was the fear I had when I realized I wanted to do something else. I felt so torn, confused and embarrassed. I wanted to be with my kids so badly and yet, just as badly, I wanted to to do something else. I couldn't explain it then and I'm not sure how to explain it now. Being a mom does challenge the brain and body. And I think I'm pretty good at it. I'm good enough, though I pale in comparison to many of the moms I am friends with. And without moms there would be no society. So, please hear me when I say that being a stay-at-home mom is one of the best and most important jobs in the world.

So why did I still want more? I don't know. I'm flawed that way, I guess. The point is, Luke was going to be in school soon and I knew I wanted to have a job when they were both gone all day. The glaring problem: my degree. I did not want to be a teacher, but I didn't want to be a secretary or factory worker. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm getting myself into trouble the more I write. Let's end this by saying, I knew I wanted to go back to school soon. I had a good idea of what I wanted to get a degree in. I knew things were about to change, but I didn't expect to it play out the way it did.